THE TRUTH IS WAY OUT THERE!

Welcome to the Silly Season.
No, we’re not talking about fantasies of transparent or cost-effective government, or of Abbotsford Coun. Simon Gibson pleading to fast-track a casino so we can provide revenues for the tax-sucking beast (with a splendid garden) that is City Hall.
Those gems will definitely be included in my When Hell Freezes Over column, but for now we’re talking serious silly – as in rubbish rhetoric like “Gordon Campbell eats children” and “Carole James stands for dishonesty and hypocrisy.”
Today is the official start of the 2009 B.C. election campaign, even though the unmistakable posturing and photo-ops started many moons ago in the yawnfest leading up to the May 12 vote.
Speaking of “shovel-ready,” for the next 29 days politicians and wannabes will remind you how they built things with your money, or how they would have saved your coin. Some will share jokes, some will whine, some will sport playoff beards (hopefully not James), and none will accept blame for the economy, even though many took credit for the boom.
Everyone will have solutions for homelessness, health care, education, crime and recovering from a recession. Nice they waited until now to spill those beans, eh?
Some may insist the 2010 Winter Olympics will put us on the map; expect others to argue we’ll need a map to get around all the road closures and security checkpoints.
The Liberals will argue they are the only party capable of leading us out of a recession. The NDP will point to Campbell’s retro-active raises, scandals, serious cost overruns, toll-mania, the dying forestry industry and crashing economy as proof they can also lead us into one.
Candidates, many we’ve never heard of before, will surface to claim they represent our future. Many will parrot Barack Obama-like messages of hope. Many will serve up gems sounding more like George W. Bush  – “They misunderestimated me.”
We will be reminded by MLAs of the new university, hospital, overpasses, highway improvements, affordable housing, hiking trails and “great progress.”
We won’t hear much about Cambie Line casualties, gaming addiction, carbon taxes, gang reduction, B.C. Rail, minimum wage freezes, police funding snafus, Olympic security costs, or about idiots who drink and drive.
We will be told that James has no proven track record, doesn’t connect with voters, is too negative, cares too much about funding social programs and not enough about stimulating businesses.
We will hear that Campbell is arrogant, out of touch, spend-happy and a Howe Street puppet who only cares what his inner circle thinks – an elite group that fits in a phone booth.
We will, hearing all this stuff, again appreciate that the truth is always the real victim of political campaigns.
My thoughts?
Despite the aggressive attack ads by the Canadian Office and Professional Employees Union (COPE 378), I don’t think Campbell eats children. Burly MLA Rich Coleman, maybe, but definitely not our sporty premier!
Campbell might treat children differently. For example, those in Whistler get plush Olympic mascots with gold medals, while those in Terrace get to play with pine beetles in a decrepit sandbox, which will be upgraded once the Olympic profits roll in. And those in the Fraser Valley get gang startup kits, with public safety kits to arrive later in the mail (wink, wink).
If we’re lucky, 30 per cent of the folks eligible to vote will do so, and the election winner will go back to governing however their handlers so desire.
Stay tuned. The “fun” has just begun.