TIME FOR TALKING TURKEY

You might wonder, while staring at your thinning desk calendar, where the heck summer and September went, not to mention our so-called Tax Freedom Day.
As thoughts turn to talking turkey – yummy birds, not stuffed politico peeps trying to overspend our way to Third World status – we also wonder if the Canucks, Lions and VANOC are next to do Cialis commercials to get up for the big games ahead.
We wonder if governor-turned-author Sarah Palin will have success with Going Rogue, her new book that contains small words and big pictures. And you betcha, crayons and a map of porches where you can see Russia on a good night are optional.
Michael Moore, who had great success with Sicko, Farenheit 9/11 and Bowling for Columbine, is now filling theatres with Capitalism: A Love Story that depicts corporate greed. The popcorn and pop only costs $30 to see this flick about our profit-over-people mentality.
Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff wants another federal election, meaning about five people in this country now feel the same way. Come to think of it, that’s about the same number wanting more spent on bike lanes, transit studies and councillor salaries.
Anyways, by request, here is the My Two Bits freakin’ fall quiz to bring you up-to-speed on the issues that sort of matter:
* Rio de Janeiro, the home of bronzed bodies and tiny bikinis, has been awarded the 2016 Summer Olympics despite a Chicago bid that included pitches from Oprah Winfrey and Barack Obama. The first thing organizers in Brazil must worry about is:
a.) When to introduce the HST.
b.) When to start chirping “On time, on budget.”
c.) When to start slashing budgets for education, health care and social programs.
* The B.C. Liberals, the “caring party” that’s breaking all the promises used to secure your vote last May, is now busy defending cuts to school sports programs while drooling over Olympic athletes. Your thoughts:
a.) Mellow Mike de Jong used to go absolutely bonkers about this flip-flop tripe before drinking the Campbell Kool-Aid.
b.) Wasn’t the Olympic “legacy” supposed to encourage youth to become involved in sports?
c.) Did Premier Gordon Campbell decide this while imitating Nickelback in Hawaii?
* With Halloween just three weeks away, your post-turkey thoughts will turn to coming up with novel costume ideas. You might consider:
a.) Dressing up as an AHL arena, so politicians throw gobs of money at you.
b.) Dressing up as David Letterman or Bill Clinton, ’cuz interns dig it.
c.) Dressing up as an Olympic “windfall” so you can turn invisible while screaming “Do you believe?”
* You’re thinking of buying a new Thanksgiving T-shirt that describes a bit of your personality. You’ve narrowed it down to:
a.) I’m not your type, I’m not inflatable.
b.) I am having an out-of-money experience.
c.) When blonds have more fun, do they know it?
* Aussie golfer Greg (The Shark) Norman and former tennis star Chris Evert have split after just 15 months into their high-profile marriage. Other ew-inducing “couples” you’d like to see split ASAP include:
a.) Gordon Campbell and Colin Hansen.
b.) Michael Jackson and shameless media.
c.) The Olympics and our wallets.
* After a lengthy spell of downsizing, rightsizing, tax hikes, job losses, cutbacks, whatever, many Canadian credit cards are maxed. Your situation is best described as:
a.) My card got stolen, but the thief spent less than my spouse so I didn’t report it.
b.) Things are so bad I got a pre-declined card in the mail.
c.) I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need if I die by 4 p.m.