IT'S ALL ABOUT PRIORITIES, RIGHT?

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POLITICOS, PUCKS AND PARLEZ

Following are some notes that may one day grow up to become columns of their own:
Can’t think of many “highlights” from the B.C. election campaign, other than being thrilled it’s now over and TV can return to pitching Tim Hortons coffee, beer and Viagra.
However, before we dismiss Election ’09, lest we forget how low some memory challenged folks will dive to lure your vote.
Never believe any B.C. party leader when he or she says they are above hitting below the belt – trust me, they have more than enough “HQ hitmen” willing to do the dirty deeds they orchestrate (or approve) without leaving DNA evidence at the scene.
While plain brown envelopes were slipped under many newsroom doors before Tuesday, ours included, it was an 11th-hour attempt to smear NDP leader Carole James that broke the camel’s back in a rather uninspiring campaign overflowing with hypocrisy and character assassinations – and void of precise plans for our future.
James went on CFOX radio’s morning show last month to encourage the rock station’s young demographic to get out and vote, preferably for her of course, but vote nonetheless.
She answered some oh-so tough questions like: “After a hot day, would you go for a beer or a girlie drink?” And, “Have you ever waxed your upper lip?”
James, who doesn’t strike me as the class-clown type, played along with the non-politically correct staffers.
Following the goofy show, the DJs got together for a group photo with the busy NDP leader. The radio folks were wearing T-shirts that said Resist 2010 Bitches, an anti-Olympic movement slogan of sorts.
The mundane grip-and-grin photo ended up on the NDP website and, presto, a “scandal” was manufactured by the Liberals. And just because the NDP may have slung dirt first is really no excuse to retaliate – from where I sit, if you want to play the Which photo is worse game, methinks a drunk Gordon Campbell posing at the Hawaii cop shop still stands out as No. 1 in the Politico Hall of Shame.
Well, make that No. 2. Tied for No. 1 is this year’s campaign where we learned more about driving records, Facebook pictures, attack ads and legal problems than we ever learned what candidates would do if elected. Many of our “great choices” were too busy running for cover or away from something to explain what they were running for.
* It sure didn’t take long for the Vancouver Canucks’ bandwagon to unload and implode Thursday night following a series-ending loss to the Chicago Blackhawks.
Emotional fans wanted the coach, the goalie and the stickboy tortured and beheaded for losing to a better team.
From where I sit, the Canucks who have to go for being too slow, too soft, too overpaid, too old, too injury prone or too in over their heads are: Pavol Demitra, Taylor Pyatt, Mats Sundin, Kevin Bieksa, Mattias Ohlund and, sorry in advance to those who love to Louuuuuu when they’re not booing, Roberto Luongo. Your thoughts?
* Seems there is a nasty fracas over French at the Richmond Olympic Oval.
The 2010 Winter Games venue has one big sign in English, which isn’t enough for all those in Ottawa who believe we desperately need French signs in Richmond.
According to the 2006 census, English is the mother tongue of 71 per cent of B.C. residents, followed by Punjabi, Cantonese and Chinese. French is seventh.
Some francophone MPs and senators insist there will be a French sign on the oval before the opening ceremonies or there will be “hell to pay” in this official bilingual country.
Dare we talk now about the French-only signs in Quebec, or is that better left for another day?

GO JOHNNY GO!

HEY VOTER, NEED A WARMUP?

Couple friends suggested I unplug from “Abbotsford reality” for an evening and check out Tim Felger’s favourite band, Papa Roach, at UBC Thunderbird Arena.
These pals promised that the Grammy-nominated rockers – with hits such as Last Resort, Getting Away With Murder, Blanket of Fear, Blood and Days of War – should help this scribe unwind and forget about gangs, thugs and power-hungry politicians for a few hours.
All righty then, cue up the prescription to get over the not-so-catchy bug that is “B.C. election fever.”
It was about mega-decibel song No. 5, with vibrating teeth and eyeballs threatening to divorce my shocked body, when one pal shrieks: “So, when’s voting day again? And who is running in my riding?”
Hmmm, talk about escaping reality.
So, for those just tuning in, or those thinking about tuning out, we offer this 11th hour, My Two Bits election quiz. Good luck:
* Pundits suggest a goat could run as a Liberal in the Fraser Valley and win. Your thoughts:
a.) Baaahaaa, humbug!
b.) Import smart dude named “Billy” to run for NDP.
c.) Don’t we have enough butt-heads in Victoria?
* If you were to suggest a theme song for the riding of Abbotsford South – with gas pedal-friendly candidates John van Dongen and Bonnie Rai – it would be:
a.) I Can’t Drive 55.
b.) Go Johnny Go.
c.) Bonnie and the Jets.
* Premier Gordon Campbell maintains that hiking minimum wage in B.C. would be a certain business killer. Your reaction:
a.) Hiking the pay of politicians, senior bureaucrats and advisers one more freakin’ time will do much the same!
b.) Closing roads and limiting access to offices during the Olympics isn’t great for business.
c.) When was the last time Our Gordo paid for anything with his own money?
* NDP leader Carole James insists the premier is out of touch, aloof, glib, mean-spirited, dishonest, illusive and responsible for Victoria’s secrets and scandals. Your thoughts:
a.) Finally, she’s making some sense here.
b.) Forgot to mention part about that pesky premier being ahead of her in the polls.
c.) Don’t all B.C. governments have secrets and scandals?
* Omitted from campaign rhetoric thus far has been talk about the recession and what programs may be cut if provincial revenues continue to plummet. You’re a bit worried because:
a.) Paying $50 to cross the Port Mann might be excessive.
b.) Counting on casinos to pay for nurses and teachers is a tad risky.
c.) How will our MLAs and premier justify their next above-average pay hike?
* You’re very confused about STV and the fact you have to vote for or against it. Your thoughts:
a.) Abstinence would have prevented these shots.
b.) When did Eugene Levy, Rick Moranis and Martin Short get involved in B.C. politics?
c.) Do they have high-def on that network?
* The Nude Garden Party, Sex Party and Work Less Party are among the many “fringe” groups seeking votes in Tuesday’s election. These “parties” want you to work less, live more and be able to roam in the nude. Your thoughts:
a.) Heck, we called that an office party in the ’80s.
b.) I know of at least three perfect candidates from my office for the Work Less Party!
c.) So much for hidden agendas!
* Due to voter apathy, the campaign has turned nasty, with character assassinations and mudslinging overshadowing promises and policies. Some of your favourite attack ads are:
a.) Gordon Campbell hates you and eats children.
b.) Carole James: Wrong party, Wrong leader. Wrong time.
c.) You can fool all of the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.